Certified kinkshamer

so I might be autistic which tbh is kinda great n a huge relief bcs it means that there’s actually not something fundamentally wrong w me but that I’m just built different 😎 apparently 2 of my adult cousins r also getting checked n I’ve been going through my family history w ny mom n my childhood since she was the one who brought it up. I’ve been looking into especially later in life diagnoses from adult cis women wich pretty much describes my entire life along w getting diagnosed w bpd first n the fun combination of adhd n autism. anyway since it’s not official yet, only my doctor agreeing that it could be the cause n wanting to check for it, I don’t wanna idk get my hopes up? but it would feel nice to have a word or term to explain I guess me lol.

bro the combination of bpd, adhd n ptsd is so fun sometimes. n by fun I mean that I completed my bpd therapy n its technically “invisble” by now meaning I can control it n im super self aware. but adhd n ptsd also come w moodswing n triggers that acts like my bpd episodes n im just like I know exactly what I’m doing n why n it’s just so adhkddjkd being in an episode n psychoanalyze myself like hmmm interesting. anyway exams/finals n big assignments for class is terrible bcs I still haven’t gotten help w my adhd only meds n I tend to self medicate w nicotine n booze during these periods bcs i still don’t know how to study 😎 I’ll start studying well before but it’s literally me staring at my documents for hours each day n not being able to write anything down before the week before bcs I literally cannot form any thoughts unless it’s a deadline.

also i’ve started taking commissions for 3d assets which is great bcs now I can actually finish projects bcs of the deadline afjehkg

trying to ask my loved ones if they’re registered as organ donors n what their DNR is w/o worrying them 😭 legit just been meaning to fill it out sincer I got my drivers license 4 years ago

trying to explain cis friends how misgendering hurts is just gg

getting canceled by other vr chat creators for making an announcement regarding the use of vitiligo on avis w several articles by n about ppl w vitiligo asking ppl to do their research before putting vitiligo on cow avis n in general research subjects before making avatars representing other groups

not to be sappy on main but I’ve been in the US for like 3 weeks staying w my bf of 2.5 years n going home in 2 days n I legit never thought id het to be in q happy n healthy n safe relationship. school is kinda meh n not everything is great but I am so grateful for my bf n my few close friends n I feel like even though its not all great yet I am doing better n life feels pretty good some days